do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
