If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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