Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize