Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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