he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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