she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
