There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
