i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
