based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
