thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
