Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
