do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
