They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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