I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
