I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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