i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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