He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
barbara walters just said penis...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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