I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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