I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
