I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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