im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
