oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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