hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
