I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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