i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All I want is dick and wine.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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