I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
