i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
