we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have fence marks all over my body
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
