News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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