I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
