Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
