Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
