I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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