So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
