if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
