I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
