whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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