i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
