I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
