wanna go halves on a baby?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
