Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
