Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
