There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
