You're my little dorito
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
True strength comes from lack of pants
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
