I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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