I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize