my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have demons in me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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