i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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