we made out on top of his cat.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
