yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
