youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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