Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
