Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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