He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize