i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
