theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
