There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
