Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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