Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize