Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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