so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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