you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
