your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
