there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
