whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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