I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
