Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
