Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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