Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
