he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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